Last fall I came across a song, that captivated me. At the time, part of me was lost in this excitement of getting prepared for the next chapter with Melinda. And the other part of me was deeply mourning a support system that seemed to crumble with the announcement of our engagement. It was an awkward place to be. It was an extremely difficult place to be. It required hard conversations. There were many days that a permanent lump created a home in my throat, and the knots that seemed to consume my stomach refused to let anything but nausea abide in it's dwellings. A place where I once felt understood and supported, now lacked anything but grief, abandonment, hurt and confusion. I .... better yet, we, spent many nights praying and crying and getting angry and seeking answers on our knees. In the midst of this turmoil it felt like our engagement, our marriage belonged to open scrutiny and public conversation. It felt like it belonged to any Tom, Dick or Harry who wished to ask our interpretation of this Scripture or that sermon. It was open to criticism and to the please of watching a 3 part series on how unholy homosexuality is before we chose to stand at the alter.
One morning, I couldn't even tell you how, but I came across the song that completely captivated my soul. I sat, closed my eyes and listened.
"Abba, I belong to you."
As tears fell down my cheeks, it became the prayer of my heart.
"Abba, I belong to you."
"Abba, we belong to you."
"Abba, our marriage belongs to you."
I couldn't wait to share this song with Melinda. That night we sat. We listened. We cried. This song resonates as a song of peace over us. In a time of excitement and sorrow it reminded us that nothing else mattered—We belonged to Him…….and that was enough.
If any of you have ever heard Jonathan play, then you know it is an honor that Melinda and I will be walking down the isle to his violin. We knew that this was the song that we wanted. When we told Jonathan, he expressed some doubts on whether or not it could be done. Friday of last week, as I arrived to my desk to begin my work day, Melinda had text me a demo of Jonathan playing his arrangement. It was absolutely stunning and once again my soul was filled with an unexplainable peace. In his arrangement, he encompassed everything that God had and continues to speak to our hearts through that song. It is perfect.
And last night, we opened this wedding gift from dear and faithful friends (who prior to buying it had no idea the song would make it into our wedding):
Again peace!!! (and tears, lots of tears)
Today, we are still speechless! We know we belong to Him, that our marriage will belong to Him. And we know our Abba Father will meet us at the alter. 15 days and counting……we can’t wait.
Click here to listen to Abba by Jonathan David & Melissa Helser