Thursday, July 17, 2014

We live a thousand lives in one lifetime

"We live a thousand lives in one lifetime."

A fascinating quote from Emily P. Freeman that has stuck with me since I came across it.

I remember being that 7 year old little girl who once lived on a quiet street in Chesterfield, building forts in the back woods with my childhood friend. The fort had one rule and one rule only: "NO BOYS ALLOWED."

 I remember falling in love with baseball at the age of 10 in my red jersey (proudly sporting the number 8) when I hit my first double.

I remember running through the winding roads that always brought me home with my dad and being able to escape from whatever was bothering me in my 14 year old world.

There was that season where I fell in love with being at church--being a part of my youth group and I decided to give up playing with my traveling softball team in order not to miss so many Sundays.

I remember being that nervous 17 year old trying out for show choir, and that terrified 18 year old who stood alone on VCU's campus trying to figure out this new world before me.

I remember being that 21 year old taking on a second job just to make ends meet and realizing for the first time I was good at what I did.

How could I forget the season of my first crush. A season of self-discovery, of a broken heart and wondering if I would be single forever.

I remember that season of loss. Of grieving. Followed by a season of healing and forgiveness.

There was a season of bad choices and ugly consequences. A season I decided to live for me and where I turned my back on God.

I remember being 27 a living in a season of false reality. At 29 I found myself crashing into the season of reality, of hurt, confusion and betrayal.

I remember the season of turning back, letting go and trusting that God would bring good and that He would restore.

There was a season of serving, of giving back and dreaming big of making a difference.

There was a season of fatigue and of struggle.

There was a season of pretending. Of trying to be normal.

There was a season of retreat and of discovering who I was in Christ, who He formed me to be and feeling His peace overwhelm my soul.

There was a season of falling in love with His Word and waking up at the wee hours of the morning just to get a taste.

There was a season of new love and of wondering would this be the one.

There was a season of late night phone calls, early morning text and many miles traveled to visit (even if it were just for 10 minutes).

There was a season of disagreements, of learning to communicate, and the stress of work.

There was a season of new adventures.

There was the season of puppy love, and potty training and sleepless nights.

I am thankful for the season of "falling" into a sucky small group, where I have learned to open up and how to become part of a community that gets it.

And I find myself in a season of wedding planning, of becoming one flesh and dreaming of a life where God can use us beyond our wildest dreams.

I am here.

Now, living my thousand lives. Moving along, one step at a time.

It is in these moments when I stop and remember, that I feel like life is passing me by. And lately it's been passing me by. Today, I will intentionally steal moments here and there. Seeing my life as I know it and the blessings that have been graciously poured upon it.  But tomorrow, after I clock in my four hours and steal a few moments with the bestie, I plan to come home, to turn off the phone and put away the computers. I will love on the cutest puppy I know, cook a fabulous dinner and soak in this beautiful moment in life beside the one whom I love.

I do not doubt that my heart will full of gratitude and of humility and in awe of the One who has given me more than I could ever deserve: fullness, and hope, and love and grace upon grace upon grace over the thousand lives that have so far made up my lifetime.

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