Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Candid thoughts

My mind has been running nonstop since the wee hours of this morning--meaning,  I cannot finish one thought without ten more barging in. I'm left with fragmented sentences lingering in my mind, disjointed ideas that scream for my time and an uneasy soul waiting for resolve. Some thoughts are light hearted and carefree, others carry a weighted burden, and some cannot even be placed into any particular genre.

So I write.


I write because it makes me:


Stop
and
Think.


Process
and
Finish.


There may not always be a solution or an answer, but there is always order and sometimes clarity.


And I share.


I share because it keeps me:

Real
and
Vulnerable.


Well-lit
and
Accountable.

So, be forewarned, if you continue to read, you will be sure to find random ideas, unfiltered thoughts, real struggles, and an open me.


1. This past weekend I saw Heaven Is For Real. This movie would have never been on my list of things to see, but with the suggestion of a friend, I found myself there. And even though I didn't walk away as the movie's #1 fan, it was still thought provoking. In the movie the dad says "If Heaven is for real, wouldn't we all live different lives." A powerful line that has played over and over in my mind since. Then add to it Monday night--our small group was planted in Matthew 13. Parable after parable we read . . . "And the Kingdom of Heaven is like...." we saw that Jesus was revealing that heaven is here. It started with the baby in a manger and it is now--that truth should radically change how I live my life!! Sometimes I just wish to shake my finger at myself and say. "O ye of little faith."


2. It's Bernie's birthday today. Some of you laugh, thinking she's just a D.O.G. And some of you are wondering where your invitation is to her birthday party. Well, there is no party, for fear of the friend's who live in the first category ragging on my until the end of time. With that being said, I will take any reason to celebrate over that little ragamuffin. I've had 2 dogs that have been up there on the 'love scale," but there is just something about Bernie and the crazy that she brings to this life. I know she is "just" a dog, but I sure am smitten!


3. Soon I will be spending Wednesday evenings studying A Modern Girl's Guide to Bible Study by Jen Hatmaker, with some cool ladies--that I don't really know! I hope I still think they are cool once I get to know them!! (Ha--that was a joke ladies if any of you are reading this). All jokingly aside, I am extremely excited about this, but for as much excitement, I have as much fear. I always find it terrifying to come around God's Word in an intimate setting with people you don't "really know." Perhaps not the way I am suppose to feel, but it's the truth.


4. Spring is here, which means love is in the air. It is unreal how many weddings have or will be taking place in the coming weeks. Weddings that either directly or indirectly involve the people I love most in this world. I'm a sucker for romance, especially weddings, but this year each picture, each invitation, and each spoken "I do, " leaves behind a twinge of pain in the depths of my soul. Like many young girls, I too planned out my wedding day. And if it were to happen now, even though my vision has drastically changed as I have matured in my understanding of this commitment, there are some key players who would decline to be a part. So as I see them celebrate with my friends or preform the ceremonies of acquaintances, my heart aches and my stomach always seems unprepared for the blow. Maybe things will change by the time wedding bells are ringing over me, and if not then I will continue to pray for a softened heart and grace upon grace upon grace.


5. Time. We all are given the same 24 hours. But lately, I have needed...wanted more! It's selfish really. I'm sure if I stopped and examined my daily routine it would be littered with poor choices and wasted hours. But here, right now, I wish I carved out face to face time with the bestie like I use to. I wish I cleared off more weekends to visit the family I rarely get to see and miss often. I wish I had time to sit and study....like really study, hours upon hours study and not so I'm equipped to lead a discussion, but because I long to know Him more. I wish I had more time to serve, to volunteer and to give back. I wish I made more of a habit daily giving myself vs just on Thursdays or every other month. I wish I had time to pray more....more than the prayer before I hit the road, or when I silence the car radio or scribble my lunchtime request--but like leaving indentions in my prayer closet kind of praying. I wish I cherished more moments and slowed down the pace of life. I wish ...


6. I wrote a song about a tortilla. We'll actually it is more of a wrap. :)


7. "Above all, remember that the meaning of life is to live it as if it were a work of art. You are not a machine. When you're young, start working on this great work of art called your own existence." --Abraham Joshua Heschele


Ahhh....and now my mind travels with one foot slowly in front of the other...this is a pace I can do.

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts....I really enjoyed it! Happy birthday to Bernie! And I also hope that the wedding bells ring for you one day and that everyone special in your life will be able to celebrate along with you!

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