Not too long ago I was asked to do a job. A job that I did not want. A job that I thought was fairly meaningless, and one that made me feel "less than." At first, I internally protested, I cried my way home, cried myself through conversations, and cried out to God. Eventually the tears stopped, and with hesitation and most likely a hint of internal protest lingering, I began doing what I needed to do in order to get the job done. I had only a few days to prepare for my "first day," and everything that I planned, failed miserably. And I am pretty sure there were several more hissy fits before I finally relinquished my hold on it all.
Through the prayers of those who knew I was struggling, and the weak prayers of my own, God softened my heart to the point that I was able to come to grips with what I was being asked--to be used by Him despite my fears, my doubts and my insecurities. I wouldn't be truthful if I didn't say that along the way, there were still moments where I wrestled with all of my preconceived notions, but somehow the faith was there to trust that God knew better than I.
In case any of you were wondering, He definitely did!
He used this unwanted job to open my eyes and to awaken a part of my soul I did not know existed. He used this obstacle I could not see past, to reveal that there was purpose and a meaning in what I foolishly thought was useless and less than. He used my fears of being removed to strengthen me and to take me deeper. Nothing was wasted.
Recently, my office has been going through minor remodeling projects. New paint now clothes the walls, new tiles cover the copy room floor, and we even gained a new and improved break room. Yesterday, as I returned from my lunch break I noticed that "quotes" had been put on various walls around the office. And this morning I walked by the words: "Everything Matters."
That failed marriage mattered.
That diagnosis of cancer mattered.
That attempt of suicide mattered.
That wall built to hide mattered.
That affair mattered.
That addiction mattered.
That betrayal mattered.
That useless job mattered.
Just like I struggled with understanding the purpose of my unwanted job, we all have walked areas of life where we have wrestled to see why it all mattered. Through some of my personal valleys, I have come to wonder if it has to more with having faith and trust in Him and His promises, than it does with our own understanding.
He continues to teach me, that the things I don't think matter, in the end do!
Forgiveness was learned . . that matters.
Compassion was gained . . . that matters.
Words of Love were spoken . . . that matters.
Vulnerably was tried . . .that matters.
Relationships were reconciled . . . that matters.
Victory was understood . . .that matters.
Grace upon grace upon grace sunk in . . .that matters.
Nothing, absolutely nothing was useless . . . that matters.