Tuesday, January 15, 2013

You are a year unto yourself, 2013.

2013, you have come in quickly and have taken me by storm. Maybe it’s because I failed to ring you in properly. I tried, I really did, but by 11pm I could not ignore the bed calling my name. Or perhaps what is at fault are the five days I lost curled up in a white fluffy blanket feeling worse than I have felt in six years.  Whatever the reason, there is no denying the fact that you are here whether or not I was ready for you.
Upon your arrival there are many who make resolutions, implementing new things, new habits, and new challenges for your three hundred and sixty five days to encompass. I can’t say that I am not one who ever thought this way, I did, but along with many, it didn’t take long for my short comings to arise, my will power to die out and for such resolutions to exit off  the radar. I too cannot sit here and say that for you, 2013, I have decided not to make any resolutions, because even if I chose not to call them as such, hello!!! read my previous blog and you will see there are monthly activities I have set and have been trying to incorporate into my life.
(By the way, on the whole one salad a day thing . . .I won’t lie, it hasn’t been as easy as I was hoping, and I have not eaten eleven salads since I posted that blog; however, I have eaten more rabbit food in those past eleven days than I would have normally if that goal where not set. And that folks makes me happy and convinces me that setting such a goal worth it!)
The thing is whether we set these resolutions or not, whether we are ready for your coming or not, you are here, you are new, and you have a new chapter waiting to be written in the story of our lives in each and every day that you bring. 
To be honest, that is probably why I am sitting here on your fifteenth day, feeling like I have only lived four days into you. This whole new chapter you have begun writing . . . well, I’ve been so busy reading the past chapters of my story that I can’t seem to catch up to where you are. I keep comparing what was to what is, I keep weighing what I had to what I have, I keep measuring up today with yesterday, or the last week, or the last nine months . . . get the picture?
And I’m not talking about a quick glance back, to remember the highlights, or the “firsts” of life, or moments that grew me into a better woman, but I’ve been reading and highlighting and dog earring and have been camped out in those parts where sometimes, life just can’t stay.
Somewhere along the journey of 2012 into 2013, I failed to remember that staying absorbed with what was, really quenches the joy and hope that each new today is suppose to include.  And trying to measure everything of today, to yesterday’s standard really immobilizes the abundant life we were called to live. The fumes of yesteryear’s mountaintop pleasures and dreams can only carry you so far, and for me, they have burned out--here two weeks into you, 2013, a year full of its own excitement and jubilee, its own tears and sorrows, its own elaborate hopes and dreams, its own setbacks and failures, its own “firsts” and “lasts,” its own beauty.
2013, you are a year unto yourself, built upon the thirty some odd years of my past, but not defined by them.
I don’t know what you have in store. I don’t know when the days that push me to grow will come or when the days that will try to lure my back into the pages of my past will roll in, but it’s my prayer that I let go, that I leave the pages of my past, seek that still small voice and look for the beauty and the blessings and all things new that I know fill each and every day to come.
So here’s to you 2013.
“No, dear brothers and sisters, I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us up to heaven.” Philippians 3:13-14

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