I can't believe January has come and gone. 2012 is speeding by. As I begin to wind down my night, I am caught off guard with the blessings that flood my life. Some instantly bring a smile, a warmth to my heart and a peace that calms my soul. Some sting, and I fight to push back the raw emotions those memories conjure up, yet I am able to see clearly and stay focused on the work and healing that is being done. And some of those blessings are still in the midst of being found. I know there is thanksgiving to give for those hard situations. In the midst of the loss, in the midst of the illness, and in the midst of not understanding nor seeing His plan, there is thanksgiving and I am searching.
And just as I am caught off guard by those blessings, I am reminded of how often I take them all for granted. How often I don't see. How often I don't take the time. How often my pride gets in the way. How often I don't care. And how often I miss out.
The words of Christ, His teachings, His commands, His promises echo in my mind. The knowledge of grace and truth and forgiveness replay continuously. And tonight, I can't shake the image of thousands of M&Ms pouring out of a bucket.
I yearn to see more blessings, to see more of His plan. I want to push on and follow no matter the cost. I desire wisdom, a pure heart and eyes to see. And He is waiting . . .He wants that for me too. He is standing there with a bucket over following with M&Ms, with blessings beyond my wildest dreams, yet I'm not ready to receive them. There is so much I still cling to. So much my fist clench tight to. So much I am scared to let go of. And I sit here and I wonder, "When will you remember, Mel?"
Let go, the blessings will come. Let go, You will see His face. Let go, He will show up. Let go.
So, for me, for tonight, wanting is not enough, knowing is not enough, what I've been doing is not enough, but taking a step is, loosing my grip is, and making one small change is.
One small change. One huge desire. One bold prayer. One Almighty God.
Tonight I start digging my ditches, and when more of those blessings, those M&M's begin to fall, I'm going to be ready.