The last three weeks I feel my life has been taken, shaken and turned upside down, . . . and not necessarily all in a bad way. During this craziness some friendships have really deepened. There have been some loved ones who have really stuck their necks out on a line to love on me and offer their support. I know that I will look back on this time period and see that is was what saved one of the dearest friendships I have ever had in my life. It is now, here in this season of life that I know I am growing, that my faith is deepening and that life is moving forward. I am striving and walking toward the life He created for me. The abundant one. The radical one. And even though there is overwhelming peace and even some excitement on this journey, I have to be honest with myself and admit that I am scared.
I think about Peter and wonder if he was scared when he stepped out of the boat? Perhaps Abraham was scared the morning he loaded up his donkey with Isaac. And what about Mary and Joseph, were they afraid of the lives they were being called to? And I want to think that Ananias was showing fear when he questioned God’s directions to go to Saul?
I feel foolish to say that I am scared. I feel weak in admitting that . . . But maybe that is just it. Maybe part of fear is the realization that I can’t do it on my own. That I need Him, more than ever. Maybe it is that even if Peter was scared, he still got out of the boat. Even if Abraham was scared, he still tied Isaac to the alter. And Mary and Joseph still chose to walk the journey together in the midst of their fears. And Ananias despite what he may have been feeling, went to Saul. Maybe it’s learning not to let fear be paralyzing, but instead remaining in motion towards obedience. So, maybe I can find comfort in the fact that it’s okay to be scared, and it’s okay to shed a tear or two . . .or five, as long as my feet keep moving toward Him and where He is calling.