Saturday, January 15, 2011

Tears and Blessings

I remember as a little girl praying that God would take away my tears so that I would never cry again. I. Hate. To. Cry. And this last season of life, I have done my fair share of letting the tears flow. Tears of loss, uncertainty, and brokenness. Tears of thankfulness for provision, for guidance, and for help. The tears of death, illness, and pain. Of laughter, surprise and hope. The tears of frustration, anger and confusion.

I have learned that tears speak their own language. They are the words that my heart are not able to express. Words that I can’t articulate and sometimes that I can’t even understand. Even though I have hated the tears, the crying, the vulnerability, it’s been good. It’s been healing. Perhaps, I am learning that tears aren’t necessarily a curse, but instead a blessing. Maybe they are what my eyes need sometimes in order to be washed, so that I can see life with a clearer view. Maybe the tears are what begin to soften the hard ground that I have laid, for the sole purpose of my God growing better dreams, a better life, and a better me.

A friend shared, that perhaps God is collecting all of the tears in a bowl and just waiting. Waiting to turn that bowl over and let the blessing pour down. And I am reminded that that is what my God does. He takes the good, the bad and the ugly and He makes it better, and good and beautiful.

I think that bowl is tipping. The blessings are starting to come down. And even though I am truly thankful for the blessings of friends and family, for a roof over my head and warm clothes for my body, for a pantry full to keep me fed and a job I love to provide the means for daily life, those are not the blessings I have been standing in awe of. It’s the intangible ones. Ones that lack the words. The blessings that sometimes only a tear can express. It’s those times where I am overwhelmed about how He is for me, and on my side. How He shows up and remembers me. It’s the blessings of not being anxious to see far down the road. It’s not being overly concerned about the next step, not being eager to choose the path, nor weighted down with the heavy responsibility of the future. The blessings have been pouring as I quietly follow Him one step and at time.

Psalms 30:5b (MSG) The night of crying your eyes out give way to days of laughter.

I am thankful for the tears!

I am even more thankful when they turn to laughter!!!