Saturday, October 23, 2010

Taking time to stop . . .

I could not ask for a better back drop to write. I am on a balcony that over looks the James River. The night is still, the lights of the city are beautiful and the sound of the river soothes me. Tonight is the first night in eleven days that I have been able to stop and be still. The last three days I have been running on nothing but fumes. I have booked my schedule to capacity. Tonight, I am making some time for reflection---something I have set out to do more of, but have failed miserably.

I could write on my 10+ day fast from Facebook, or why when I step out and try something new, I am crushed by comparisons that make me feel completely inadequate. I could write about how it disturbs me that Henry blacks out all the faces in his drawings or about talking donkeys.

But as I sit here and listen . . . I am captivated. Captivated by the stillness and the beauty. So tonight, I am writing about stopping.

I am reminded about God taking Abraham outside. This week I have been trapped by the eight foot ceilings--I haven’t been able to see beyond my limitations. But tonight, I was nudged to step outside. And it is here that I remember, His dream is much larger than mine. I am finding peace in the sound of the rolling river, hope in the light of the stars, and purpose from the Creator of this big beautiful world. It is out here that my mind is able to let go of all the senseless questions, all the mindless worries and I am calmed.

I need to stop worrying, because by worrying I am not trusting. I need to stop trying so hard, because I can’t do it on my strength alone. I need to stop running, because by running I can’t be healed. I need to stop doubting, and stand on what I believe.

Nothing ended today as it started . . .my agenda, my blog. But that’s okay.

I have learned it is important to follow those nudges. I am thankful for the nudge to stop, and for the nudge to step outside. Because it here that He met me, here that He reminded me that He is bigger, that He is able, and that He is with me.

So I am stopping--stopping life for a little bit and staying out here under the stars, by the river, and in the presence of His crazy love.

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